Was it a Cold One?

Was it cold? Kind of, but not really.  I only felt it the last 5 miles as I turtle shuffled my way to the end. The sun had set below the tree line and the shade was prevalent.  That was the low part of my 2019 run of the Millinocket marathon.  Miles to go, cold, and limping along on a gimpy hamstring.   No matter how hard I try to not set expectations and live in the moment, I failed. I was disappointed, discouraged, frustrated and the list goes on.  My hamstring injury from the fall of 2018 came back to haunt and humble me.  Did I finish, yes.  Am I happy that I had the fortitude to stick it through even though it would have been easier to call it a day and drink a beer, yes.  However, I still cannot shake this feeling that I failed myself in some way.  Did I mean what I said in my previous writings that I would just enjoy the day and run whatever pace my body allowed that day, yes I did.  In that moment, in that time of writing I did, but once I started my day despite my best intentions expectations set in. 

The curtain opening that morning was perfect.  The temperatures were already in the teens and rising to the 20’s.  The sun was shining, Katahdin could be seen looming in the distance.  I woke up early, was able to get a mediation in, warm up with some yoga, eat a breakfast of oatmeal and eggs, spend some time with friends, and just in general had a very relaxing morning.  Overall I felt great. 

I arrived at the race start ready to go, feeling strong, feeling relaxed.  I did a dancing warm up session with the DJ at the gazebo (that was a blast), put on my micro spikes ( I wouldn’t need them until Golden road, but it is a short run on pavement there and made sense to start with them on) , found Darren,  and felt ready to roll.  Darren had a goal, average 8 minutes per mile, and I was committed to seeing him through it. That was the first step to setting myself up for failed expectations. That I myself belonged in that 8 min/mile category. I knew I had a hamstring issue, and I have just spent a year training on trails and mountains at a significantly slower pace.  To go from trails to mostly all hard packed icy road and pavement was not the smartest of my plans in my running life, but it is what I did. Besides, I felt really good and it seemed like I had a strong group to spend the day with. 

I had Darren, along with a recently discovered friendship in the awesomeness that is Adam, and his newly formed friend from his MDI marathon, Sara.  Between the five of us it seemed we would be within 10 or so minutes of each other and we might as well have fun together.  Well, that all lasted about 30 seconds after the gun went off and the race started.  For whatever reason our little band broke apart with the first ½ mile.  I think that Sara was suffering from a knee issue and Adam hung back to see what she was up to and  Darren and I took off settling into our pace towards Golden road.  I never saw Sara again, and I think she finished not long after me. 

The plan to start was to hit golden road and maintain an 8:15/mi pace.  On the average that is exactly what we did.  We were slower going up the hills and faster down. Golden Road was perfect and beautiful. The pace felt like we were working, but not over kill for the early miles.  The sun was bright and warm and Katahdin was visible.  You would feel the positive energy in the air and despite the 20 degree temps there were definitely sections in the sun where I could have worn a t-shirt and shorts.  The miles clipped by easily and Darren and I spent the time chatting and monitoring our pace. We had a couple miles in there well above goal pace, but we both did a good job reeling the other in.

 We breeze through several aid stations just grabbing a quick drink.  It did not take me long to find that my soft flasks do not work well in the winter, as I suspected, but there were plenty of aid stations with hydration.  They did seem to be lacking food this year and appeared to mostly offer alcohol shots, Gatorade or water.  I am glad that I choose to bring my standard protein mix with me as it would help keep going throughout the day.  I will say that the aid stations energy was a blast to be around and they were clearly having fun.  They also did a fantastic job keeping the water and Gatorade unfrozen, particularly on the 2^nd lap.  In years pasts this was not the case but A+ this year for all the stations for that challenging feat in itself.  I also got to see my buddy Mike at mile five area.  Mike carried my brothers Summit Project stone at their Acadia event this year and he is one of the volunteer photographers.  It was great to see him and he brightened my spirit on both laps. 

Darren and I finish the golden road section and turned onto the pavement in just over 56 mins. With a quick stop to remove our micro spikes, we hit the pavement feeling strong. The goal on this next section was 7:45’s.  Very doable for us, since that was our average pace during a 20 mile training run in late October.  Again, we had a few fast miles, but we did follow them up with a couple slower miles. I felt solid and strong until around mile marker 10.  My left foot went numb, it felt like my arch was locked in the up position and I could feel my hamstring tighten up.  I knew in that moment I was in trouble and should just back down from the pace.  I have had this same experience in the Sugarloaf marathon two years prior and I knew what was coming.  But, even with that knowledge, I was still stubborn and did not listen (remember I am a marathoner after all, bad listeners even to ourselves).  I did not want to bring voice to my numb foot and carried on in silence while Darren kept us clipping along.  I did not want to acknowledge that it was happening again, I wanted it to go away, and thought maybe this is the time it does.  That if I mentioned it to Darren I would somehow make it worse.  So I kept it to myself, but did reel Darren in on the pace back down to 8’s for a couple miles under the guise of “we have been going too fast, we need to back off a bit”.  That seemed to work and by mile 12 I was back to feeling strong.

We were soon back in the town and cruising easily up the last “cookie” hill to see the array of beautiful cookies that a lovely lady makes every year.  I did not grab one this year, as I didn’t want to stop and thought “I will grab one in celebration on my last lap”……even though I KNOW that the cookies are long gone every year by time I come back around; Marathon brain strikes again.  We come in to the ½ way point at 1 hour 45 mins 36 seconds.  That puts us at an average, 8 mins 3 second/mile, perfect. 

I suggest that we make a quick pit stop at the starting area restrooms, put on our mircospike and start our second lap.  This is the point where I realize Darren had unvoiced concerns about our pace on the first lap, as he quickly agrees to the stop and states that “the first lap certainly didn’t feel like it wasn’t work”.  We agree that we can readjust our golden road 2^nd loop pace plan from 8:30’s to 9’s.  Then review how we are feeling after golden and one or both of us can cruise the last 6 miles of pavement if we want.  Alas, neither of us would make it that far at the prescribed pacing. After our quick stop and start back up the first hill toward golden road leaving downtown, it is clear to me Darren is feeling it.  He really drags the pace up the hill, and not long after the golden road Darren has a calf cramp and we come to a stop. We walk while I mess around getting him some salt/magnesium/potassium mix that I have with me for just this case.    Darren also stops to “admire some moose prints” of which I think he is losing his mind, but as it turns out that he is not because after the race a report comes over that an earlier runner had to stop to let a moose cross.  This land really is magical. 

At this point we have now put two miles in at around 12 mins/mile and really need to get going. Darren starts up again, only to start suffering from freezing hands.  I convince him to exchange gloves with me for a bit as my hands are warm and dry.  It takes me about two seconds to realize why his hand were frozen after our exchange.  His gloves hold moisture and the fingers were frozen solid.  No wonder his hands were freezing, he would have been better off without. 

We continue our slow jog and over the course of the next mile or so we stop for a shot of Dr. Mcgillicuddy’s (my first shot of the day and it would be followed two more) and some candy bracelets.  After about another mile, Darren gives me my gloves back.  He saw another runner without any gloves and figured he could go without.  He is starting to feel better again and we make an attempt to pick up the pace, but now it is my turn.  I feel an extreme tightening in my left hamstring again and I know that it is done for the day.  At about this point I hear “Bucky!” behind me and here comes Adam hot on our heels.  As soon as I heard Adam yell my name I felt defeated.  I knew he was going for a 4 hour time and that I stood no chance at bringing Darren in at his goal pace or even close to it. Adam is looking good and Darren is feeling better.  I convince Darren to go with Adam and that I will be fine.  They are soon spots in the distance and they ultimately finish within a few minutes of each other right around 4 hours.  It looks like I will spend the last 10 miles alternating between walking and my turtle speed; stuck in my own thoughts.

 Unlike last year where I met Darren, I spent the last miles to myself.  I received plenty of encouragement from runners passing by or from the walkers I passed.  I stopped at the aid stations for water, only to find that they didn’t have much in the way of food.  I would have gladly eaten my feelings at this point.  The popcorn and shot I did get from the last aid station on golden was well received.  It is just so discouraging to feel like you have more in you to give, but unable to see it through.

 Those miles were very long indeed.  I was able to get off golden road at around 3 hours and 20 mins in and enjoy a cup of veggie soup and took off my spikes.  I had just around 7 miles to go and it was time to start settling into suffering through these last miles. The sun was getting low and the cold was setting in.  I decided to run a ¼ mile, walk a ¼; run ½ walk ¼; run ¾ walk ¼ and run 1 walk ¼. If I did that twice I would be done. I tried to lift my sprits by playing some music but that lasted about 5 mins before the cold killed my phone. There were not a lot of aid stations left and I found that I missed the happy elves of years past that had set up a hot cider station along this section.  I stopped at the two stations that were along the roadside, grateful for the water and impressed that they kept it unfrozen.  Finally, after 5 miles I could see the Saw Mill Bar and knew I only had a couple miles left.  And there waiting for runners where group of folks dressed up as Care Bears offering M&M’s, fig newtons, water, and shots of Fireball.  I got a hug from each of those them (pretty sure some of the guys were less than thrilled to give a random sweaty dude a hug, but they did it) and took some of each of the offerings along with a 3^rd and final shot of the day.  This final uplifting moment saw me through to the end at my turtle shuffle speed (no more walking for this guy).  I was a little sad to see that the cookie hill lady was long gone and packed up.  Next year I am grabbing one and storing it for later, but with under a mile I wasn’t stopping not even to see if there was any cookies on the ground.  I wasn’t that desperate, I mean if I saw one on the ground I would have eaten it, but marathon brain allows for poor judgement.  I could finally see and hear the crowds in the distance as I trudge down Main Street and cross the finish line limping in at 4 hours 37 mins, completely my 15^th marathon and setting a new personal worse time.

I haven’t felt good about my road marathon times since Maine Coast Marathon and MDI in 2015 and this race wasn’t any different.  Just a slow progression into longer times despite all the work I do in cross training, yoga, diet, and runs.   I clearly haven’t figured out the cause of my hamstring woes, but I will.  It may be that I should have stopped and slowed the pace at mile 10 when I first felt it, or it could have been the stopping for Darren. Maybe I should have taken that Ibuprofen that I carry in my bag or maybe if I had remembered to put that anti-inflammatory cream on my hamstring that morning things would have turned out different. It is likely a combination of all 4. There is no doubt in my mind, body, or soul that I still have a faster road marathon time in me.  I know I can run this Millinocket course in 3 ½ hours, I can feel it.  It may have avoided me yet again, like it has the 3 other times, but I have come to accept in the weeks since finishing.

 We all must have a personal worse and I finished without permanent injury or quitting.  When I think about my 2019 running of Millinocket I walk away feeling positive.  I had a great time with friends, the weather was perfect, I was able to make needed donations, and once again a community came together and stood in the cold all day long for runners/walker like me.  It really is a magical place and one that I am proud to be a small part of.